The starting point

Well, where to start? It is a long story, and so I just want to hit the major highlights or lowlights, whichever you prefer. Life since Oct. 2001 has pretty much sucked! I was dumb enough to find my ex husband and reconcile with him, even after the first round of abuse from him. (What was I thinking? I really don't know!) Let's just say, he had promised he had changed, and some things were different, at first! I should have known better! WOMEN, LISTEN UP! If he says he has changed, and he charms you so much in the beginning of a relationship, RUN! I'm not saying that every guy who charms you is an abuser or that every guy who says he has changed is either, but most of the time, YEAH RIGHT!

I am now living and trying to protect my five year old son and three year old daughter from his abuse! Thank goodness my 2 older daughters are not his! Not always physical, more emotional, verbal, and mental, but abuse just the same! This type of abuse is so MUCH WORSE than physical! Bruises go away, this doesn't! It leaves a lasting mark on all those who endure it! Our self esteem gets so crushed, that we can't see the light at the end of the tunnel! And my children are suffering TERRIBLY, and no one seems to care! He sees them weekly, much thanks to a GAL and the court! He is destroying them and their whole being minute by minute, and I am helpless to stop it!

The first thing I want to let everyone know is that my 3 year old son (2 yrs. ago) came home from his first SUPERVISED visit (by my ex's parents, of course) and told us that dad wants to kill everyone in this house! Now, why would a 3 year old say something like that unless it came directly from someone else? After that first SUPERVISED visit, it only got worse! We were all threatened with death at every visit, and my children had become the messengers! All my son could talk about was guns and how many his dad has, and where they are! My son became traumatized! He wouldn't sleep, he wouldn't be out of my sight, and he was acting out. He was diagnosed at the age of 3 with PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder)! MY 3 YEAR OLD!!!!

I live in a small town in rural southern Minnesota. I introduced my husband to the people in the town. I showed him around, got him involved in things, he even joined the American Legion! I did all that! Boy, was I stupid! Needless to say, I thought that I was moving back to a town that cared about each other, that cared about me, and my children, and that I wanted to be involved with! NOT ANYMORE!!!!!!!!! Because he (I'll start calling him Ed) took that all away from me, and that beloved town turned their backs on me and my children, who were the victims of abuse!!! He was so charming and cunning. He took everyone that I thought was a friend to me and my children, and turned them against us! We were at fault! We were bad! It is funny now though, no one can stand Ed and no one wants him around! Ed hasn't been in this small town for months now, and he won't come back to it! I can't even stand being in this small town, but right now, I don't have a choice! I am trying to make the best of it!

Little things occur each weekend when Ed sees my two youngest children! I will tell more of what has happened and what continues to happen, but I think I should stop for now! My thoughts are jumping everywhere and I want to tell you everything, but I can't figure out how to get it all started and word it all right! So, I will go with this as my first blog on this subject and continue more later!

I guess why I am doing this blog is to get things off my chest, let others know what happens to children in abuse situations, and to get any help or advice that I can get! I need to tell our story! WE NEED TO BE HEARD!!

I will write as often as I can to keep everyone up to date with what is going on each day so that you can know what happens to children when in an abusive enviroment, and from witnessing abuse of their parent!